Soloing - Slow Walk

I talked earlier about consequences, and I think this event that happened to me recently while guerrillering around the town provided a viable petri dish (if you will) to look at just such a concept.

Today was my first slow walk (another type of experiment, similar to the soloing, that I am going to start). Basically, I just walked from one location to another really slowly. We did some slow moving type activities last quarter, but we did out of the ordinary actions (like pretending to race really slowly) while today I engaged in everyday actions, with one simple difference: speed.

So, I went to Brenen's (a nearby cafe), and walked from the entrance to the counter. Early on in my journey, the girl behind the counter told me that I "was creeping her out. But I don't know if that is the point." I ignored the comment as I slowly walked while unzipping my jacket. Then, as I walked I saw a very tall bald man look at me from behind the counter as well (I believe he is a manger of the cafe) and I could tell he wasn't really feelin' it. I heard him say something about what I was doing being borderline somethin' somethin', but couldn't decipher what he was saying.
When I actually got up to the counter and he addressed me "Can I help you?" I turned my head slowly to look him straight in the eyes to which he replied "I consider this loitering and I'm going to have to ask you to leave." I stared for a second longer..."Can I have a bagel with peanut butter?"

This moment is where I find the most interest. It was one of the most intense moments of needed control. Control as far as fighting the fear of a much taller man, a manger for a cafe, and the fear of going against everything in my head telling me to not go against the social norms put in place for when someone asks a question; especially when staring that person straight in the eye. There were ways that I slightly gave into these pressures - not taking as long to look him in the eye, being slightly more compliant after asking for a bagel than I may usually be (not specifically asking for an 'everything' bagel). However, I could while I did feel the pressure, and did give in slightly, I also pushed beyond these moments, ignoring those pressures in many other ways. Rejecting them. Taking control of the helm instead of letting myself be guided (hijacked?) by my socially-conscious self.

He was so angry with me, furious even. Why did he have such a violent reaction to a fairly innocent act? This I do not know. What societal norm was I going against to even provoke such a rise in him? This I also don't know. The only thing I really know is that there are societal norms in all societies, and when individuals go against those norms, it can cause uproars of varying levels - often quite negative for some reason. I know this happens, and I know most individuals in these societies are afraid of (don't want to experience) the consequences involved when being "anti-norm."

The consequences in this case were not being able to stay in the location I was in, and not being able to get a bagel, which I was quite looking forward to.

While these are perfectly nasty consequences, I could have easily gotten a bagel from a different place, not even a block away. What I think was the worst consequence in my mind, what I was most afraid of, was that of getting publicly humiliated. If I had not complied with his look of "get your act together and act like you're supposed to" he would have broadcast to everyone in that cafe that I was a non-compliant member of this society. Nothing more than that. A bunch of people I never met before, and probably would never see again. It was their opinion that caused me to feel - quite honestly - a bit of terror.

It troubles me how important that was.

(on the side, freewritin' thoughts)

This isn't the first time soloing has happened in this project. I soloed back at Bates for a time and then most recently next to Jimmy Johns. All of which I've written/talked about. However, I never have tackled it head on - with intention to do so. I've never really had a reason to. My knees' pain gave me reason. I'm finding a core of interest in this society thing, and most specifically in the solo thing. It confronts the reality of what we're doing - Guerrilla Dancing - head on. Almost like it strips down the act to its purest form, without any perspectives, opinions, attempts at achieving a goal (which always alters an act) without any desire to make it into anything, but instead letting it breath and just be. Just like the quote from Siddhartha that I'm in love with, "As a result of your seeking you cannot find.....it happens quite easily that he only sees the thing he is seeking; that he is unable to find anything......because he is only thinking of the thing he is seeking...because he is obsessed with his goal." Dancing. It's just dancing, without any goal or attempt to affect/gain the approval of others - because you're going into it with the knowledge people might take to it negatively. You're not expecting any approval - quite the opposite - and even if you thrive on that type of defiance, that's not why you do it (at least not in the context I've been involved in - by myself and with Jasmine). An act beyond the walls of the past, the knowledge of historical /cultural pressures. In a sense, a completely new act. An act without a web of relation and precedence.

Or at least that sounds nice. Don't know if it's really true. :P

"This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing" - Sam, from the movie "Garden State"

Guerrilla Dance - Solo (pt. #2)

The first people I talked to were viewers of Jasmine's solo dancing.

I talked to one girl who was fairly surprised by the seemingly random act of dancing in the library, a place one rarely finds much more than quiet book reading and laptop typing. Nonetheless, she was quite positive about the dancing. She thought it was gutsy, cool to see, and despite the fact that she didn't really feel like it naturally fit in a library, was glad to have it there. I asked her about the fact that she was going solo, and she simply re-emphasized how gutsy Jasmine seemed. I prodded further to see if she would ever do something similar, and she again talked about guts: how she would only have enough to do it if she had a group of her friends to do it with her.

Soon thereafter, I talked to two other girls who I had spotted looking and laughing to each other about Jasmine. We had a long conversation that touched on many points, but one that really stuck out to me came when I asked about Jasmine's soloing, and whether or not these two girls would ever do the same thing. They both laughed, and voiced how one of them had suggested just that idea, of joining in: "I will if you'll come with me." They decided not to, but it kept this idea of soloing in the forefront of my mind. It was so important to have someone else to stand next to when going against what was established as the proper way to act in a specific setting. (Not that this was a surprise to me. Going against what the majority deems as appropriate is a well accepted difficulty in the life of many humans: ex. high school, media, religion, art in general, etc. but) Why was this so important? Both these girls, and the one I had previously talked to had expressed quite an interest in joining. They all wanted to do it, but didn't have the "guts" to unless a friend was beside them. What strength was there in this extra person? What did a partner offer that was a substitute for their lack of guts? And whatever was holding them back - society, culture, the "norm," rules - was holding them back from an experience that seemed enjoyable to them. They wanted to dance on the staircase of Thompson Library, in plain view of four stories worth of fellow studying students and passerbys. Yet there was some danger they wouldn't risk acting against. An entity of some sort that could hurt them. The joy in dancing wasn't worth the possible consequences.

These consequences...

Guerrilla Dance - Solo (pt. #1)

This whole idea of solo dancing in a place designated for a completely different type of behavior is slowly garnering an intense amount of attention in my mind.

A dancer (Jasmine) and I took a trip to our local library to dance, and as an experiment (and because my knees are shot from repeatedly dancing on concrete) I had her dance alone. First she danced without any music for about 20 minutes, a break, then danced for another 20 or so minutes with an iPod on.

The question was, would there be any difference with this dancing experience with a single dancer versus the groups of three or four that usually go out?

The difference was there, and I soon felt bad for knowingly putting my dancer into the...lion's den, if you will. I saw looks like I always do, and saw Jasmine dance with infectious joy and fearlessness, like I always do. At first, I found nothing irregular. However, time went on and I myself began to feel embarrassed for her - despite my own involvement in the project. There was something about her up on the staircase, a lone figure in her attempt to do something out of the ordinary. How horrible it seemed...

Beyond that feeling of my own, I didn't see any other obvious signs of real negativity. Until of course I actually went and talked to others...

Guerrilla Dance Writing #4

...continued from #3

and we danced, and enjoyed ourselves, and affected those who watched, and didn't affect some, and (it seemed) most importantly we spread dance. It was good.

But I knew something wasn't quite right. I felt good about the process, and it seemed to be fulfilling the goals I had set out to achieve. Yet it rarely felt really good like I thought it would. I felt unsatisfied with the process somehow, and I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't really put a lot of thought into it - the actual act of making dance happen everyday of the week was more than enough to keep me occupied - I didn't have much of a choice.

At the end of last quarter, all the dancers involved in the project and I had a talk. The topic of connecting with viewers came up. They felt we had brought the fourth wall of proscenium performance with us to our everyday "stage."

As a result, I attempted to approach this Winter quarter differently, using social dance (that which might be done at a club, wedding, party, etc) mixed with a touch of studio movement, with the hope that this would be more inviting to the audience. It also made the focus automatically (albeit consciously) switch to fun. Which, I didn't notice it at the time, had been the original focus all along.

I wrote up a set schedule, found a set place to dance, made sure set people were assigned to each day, and we began...

Guerrilla Dance Writing #5

...continued from "Writing #4"

Day one was an absolute disaster. No dancing happened...it just wasn't right. All the set components weren't clicking, and freaking out by me commenced.

How could I possibly imagine to orchestrate this huge project? I didn't know what was right, and I seemed to get it wrong quite often. There was so much room for error.
On top of all that, it occurred to me: how could I possibly expect anyone else to adopt the responsibilities that I had? It was my hope that if a group of us began dancing in everyday life, on a consistent basis, others would join. Yet it was simply too much work, and too tiringly complex...especially for one person. All the leg work was messing with the fun, the joy. It was doubtful anyone would join the "cause." Even I was beginning to question my ability to keep things afloat.

Then a wise person suggested the idea of throwing out all the structure: "setness" if you will. Why do we need speakers, music player, set places, blah blah blah? Let's just go dance; pick some random place everyday; do our thing.

I smiled, the very next day did what I had been advised, and it finally felt right.

Spontaneity came into the picture, adventure, freedom to choose, flexibility: all qualities that say dance to me. Dance as a way to express whatever one is feeling, do so using the physical instrument of self (the body) and not let anything get in the way. After only three days of this new approach a random passerby joined in the dancing, another week and a slew of others were asking how they could be involved, and another two weeks and dancers from other states were expressing interest in doing the same type of dancing. All of which had never happened in the two and a half months we had already been dancing in public spaces.

There definitely seemed to be a shift, and that shift seemed to be caused by the shift us group of dancers had made. It stopped being about rules and lines to follow. It became about doing what we wanted, and using whatever we could find as a way to do it. It expanded on the ideas of the club and tribal dancing I had originally been inspired by. It took parts of what make that type of dancing for fun/entertainment, doing whatever you want. Now though, instead of going to designated locations to do it, the canvas was clear, and the paint began to fly.

Guerrilla Dance Writing #3

I keep coming back to this idea of fun. When the idea for this project/act/group/movement (Guerrilla Dance, or whatever you want to call it) was in its early stages, it centered around the little knowledge I had about social dancing of West Africa, the swing clubs in Harlem, wedding receptions, the club dancing of current day: dance, most of which is focused on social enjoyment. I noticed that the prevalence of dance within societies (along the aforementioned vein) appeared in a variety of ways and amounts, but all seemed to show up in a social setting of some sort. My first instinct, and the original iteration of this idea of Guerrilla Dance, was to go to the places that already had dance, encourage a movement that led away from bumping & grinding, and would include more complex dance.

I moved away from that approach quite early on, for many reasons, but looking back on what I had considered and how this project has evolved, I see a common thread that has survived: fun.

Last quarter, we had a set schedule with set locations, set people who were going on each day, and set scores to guide the dancing

...everything was set...